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Children need ‘Both’ Parents

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The following is a comment submitted by someone who signed our petition.

The current system is broken! The children are suffering and often the bitterness of one parent or another is played out in court, under the guise of child support, when the child or children are really being used as pawns in an all-to-frequent grown up game of anger, jealousy or vindictiveness.

As it has been written and quoted, one of the greatest ways to love a child is to love his/her mother or father! If you are truly as concerned as you voice, unite amicably for the sake and happiness of the child / children. Children should not be made to choose. They are equally yours! Fifty percent of who they are comes from each parent. Why make them choose?

I divorced when my children were young. It was a hard decision, but one that had to be made for my children and for my own peace of mind. I came from a two-parent, old-fashioned home where my Dad loved my Mom and provided for his family until the day he died, so the concept of divorce was very hard for me. I remember telling my sister-in-law (his sister) that I could not take any more and was leaving. She asked, how could you leave such a beautiful home? I responded that for the sake of my children and my peace of mind, I will live in a park. I struggled. My children and I moved back home with my parents until I could save enough to get a place of our own. But we made it! No he did not always pay child support. Even when he was court ordered and was in arrears, I tried to work with him. I knew, at one point, he was struggling too. I trusted God for strength and means to provide for our children. I prayed for him. No matter how many times my ex disappointed me or our children, I would never allow them to voice anything negative about their father. Likewise, I would never speak negatively about him in their presence. Yes, it angered me to see my daughter’s sad face as she waited in the window watching for Daddy to come, only for him not to show. Her tears were precious to me. I could not explain away why Daddy broke his promise … again. I bought toys for Christmas and put his name on the tag. This occurred even after yet another broken promise of what he was going to do or buy or bring them and no support payment. Why? Because it was their hearts I was trying to guard. I did not want them to grow up bitter and resentful of their Dad. No he did not support his children like he should or could. Many times I sacrificed so my children would have. All along, I kept telling him the day would come when they would ask, “Daddy where were you?” Sadly, that day did come. When they were older and able to understand, they asked him directly. It took years for him to reestablish a relationship with our children. Today, they share a good one. The sad part is he missed oh so much!

Parent. No money for Disneyland? Take them to the park. A free museum. Feed the ducks. Go for a walk. Ride bikes together. Make a picnic lunch. Buy an ice cream cone. Everything does not involve money; however, it does involve your being there. This is how memories are created. Today, many people scrapbook. A way of capturing cherished moments. Sadly, for some, many of the pages or empty or filled with one-sided memories. Daddy or Mommy is missing!

Child support is much more than monthly monetary payments. It is the invested interest of both parents in the nurturing and raising of a whole, healthy, happy and productive person. How does time equate with money? What price can be given to quality time? Seeing your face in the audience at their school play. Attending their dance or piano recital? Watching and cheering from the bleechers at your son or daughter’s game? When those years have passed, and childhood is only a memory, the question of how much monthly support did you PAY will not be on their lips. Rather, it will be where were you and why didn’t you have TIME for me? The one thing you cannot get back is … time.

My children are grown now with families of their own. One thing I have tried to instill in them is the importance of family, of time and of just being there. My daughter is a fantastic mom! My son — although still struggling some with the neglect of not having a active father when he was small — is a good dad and he too is overcoming this pain. It is a legacy he promises not to pass on to his children.

My ex and I are friends now, and have been for a while. I admit, it takes maturity. I am remarried. He is in a committed relationship. He once told me how sorry he was for what happened in the past. That’s where we left the anger and disappointments … in the past.

Separated. Divorced. New relationships. Remarried. Blended families. For the sake of the children, you must try. Please try! I work in the court system, and many of the young men who pass through this halls — no matter how big, how buffed or how old — carry the same message — voiced or unspoken, “my Dad wasn’t there.” My own son has journeyed down this path. Daddies where are you? Moms why are you depriving your children of their fathers? It is a costly mistake you are making and your children are paying the price. You may not need him any more, but they certainly do!

This system is broken and in desperate need of reform. By Vickie Ann Harris-Trigg

Please take a moment and SIGN for Child Support Reform. You do not have to be directly involved in the Child Support System to Sign this Petition. Yet, we are all apart of the System; if someones’ U.S. Constitutional Rights are being violated, you are being violated. How much more Government interference are you able to put up with? Presently, the Children are always the losers; relationships are being ruined, thousands go to jail and thousands commit suicide each year! PLEASE USE THE COMMENT FORM TO SIGN LOCATED AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE; Thank You!

“The more of us we have, the more hope we have and hope is the commodity we need; RIGHT NOW!”

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About The Author

My name is James (Jim) DeLelys. I have been involved in the Child Support System for nearly 16 years. Over those years I have acquainted myself with countless individuals who have had to bear the burden of a terribly broken and corrupt sytem. It is through 'listening' that I have come to the enevitable conclusion that Child Support Laws and Government interference can not be tolerated anymore.


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One Response to “Children need ‘Both’ Parents”

  1. I agree with you all, We have a corrupt system . I also cringed when I hear the parent with custody down rate the other parent with their prospective. Its only to make the other parent look bad to the child. Sad that we live with so many immature adults who would emotionally scorn the children so they feel better about themselves.

    The child will become an Adult and the child will see and you know what they say about Karma. So whether you are the male or female with custody grow up. Taking some parenting classes and live by them. I promise your child will grow up to be a healthy productive, and emotionally stable adult rather than in an out of the system that brings heartbreak.