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Deadbeat Mother

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Submitted by Ely Etting |

I am signing the petition. (you’ll notice I refer to the mother as “deadbeat” because in my case she is the deadbeat not me. And any mother that is refusing to work and contribute to the financial support of her child is a deadbeat. It is not the sole responsibility of the father to financially support his child)

Here is what needs changed:

1. I know NC does this but it needs to be manadatory in every State….Both parents should be held equally financially resonsible for their children. One parent should not bare 100% financial responsibilty because the other (usually the mother) refuses to work. The father doesn’t have a choice whether or not to work…he works or goes to jail. There should be an automatic minimum wage entered for the mother if she is not working. Food Stamps and medicaid should be added as income and factored in to calculating what the father will pay. The father doesn’t have a say in a mother’s refusal to work or whether or not she enrolls the child in medicaid but the system makes a father pay back medicaid. This is not the 1950s Mothers…both parents need to work in order to support their home and children. Why does the system encourage deadbeat mothers to stay on welfare? If they treated welfare as added income when calculating child support it wouldn’t be so attractive to deadbeat mothers would it?

2. If mothers requesting child support are on welfare then they should be required to become employed within 6 months or enter a higher education program in order to become employable within 1 – 2yrs max. There is child care assistance available now for working mothers/poor and I believe that if a mother choses to put a father under court order for CS then they should be held legally to get a job or face jail time as does the father. Equal consequences all around.

3. Standard of living should be fair. If the deadbeat mother refuses to work and the father has worked hard, went to school and worked towards a higher standard of living he should not be punished by being ordered to hand over his added income to someone who will never spend it on his child. Any child support ordered above a 50/50 share should be set aside in a trust for the child for use in education or hardship later. The deadbeat mother should not be able to reap the benefits of a father increasing his standard of living….only the child should reap this benefit. The mother should not be entitled to any standard of living increase that the father not living in the home has worked hard for only the child should see that increase held in trust.

4. If you voluntarily pay you shouldn’t be forced to pay by garnishment. I believe they order garnished wages if the custodial (deadbeat mother) is on welfare. Just because the mother is a deadbeat and refuses to work doesn’t mean the father is deadbeat. A father should not be demoralized and punished because he fathered a child …he should be given the option to pay voluntarily. If and only when he fails to pay should there be an order to garnish wages.

5. Taxes: If deadbeat mother is not working then the Father should be given the right at the time the child support order is written to claim child as dependent on taxes as well as have the right to other tax deductions. If both parents are working then at the time of the CS order the tax deduction should be awarded equally…where every other year each parent gets to claim the child on taxes as a dependent. Leaving it up to the father having to ask the mother to sign form 8332 is never going to happen. In my case the deadbeat mother is allowing her father to claim MY child on his taxes…. She doesn’t work and when I asked he to let me have the deduction she ripped up the form in my face. Nice, huh? And CS enforcement wonders why men don’t pay…geez

6. Custody and Child Support orders should go hand in hand. If you don’t follow Custody orders you don’t get your money deadbeat mothers!!!! If you try and poison your child against the father you don’t get your money deadbeat mothers!!!!! only if this could be reality. But seriously…in cases where parents were not married there is no divorce and custody order…most of the time it is a verbal agreement that changes day to day based on the deadbeat mothers mood. you guys know what I am talking about. That control thing the custodial parent loves to manipulate.

7. A percentage of child support should be held in trust for the child. I am not saying 20% or 50% but something like 10%-15% should be automatically held in trust for the child. I’m tired of seeing my child in clothes that don’t fit, cheap clothes and shoes, haircuts that look bad because her mom tries to cut it but yet the mother goes to a professional stylist, buys cigarettes and alcohol and puts gas in her car with child support money. She doesn’t work and gets $500 in food stamps per month. Has another child by another man who doesn’t pay CS so where do you think my CS for my child is going?

I would take any one of the 7 changes. The system treats men as deadbeats from the start. In my case I kept logs on the mothers comments and actions from the time I left the household. Copies of “Facebook” entries of derogatory comments the mother made against me. I had copies of checks and receipts she refused to sign for cash I gave her for the child support I paid voluntarily. I provided an expense/budget sheet for both myself and the mother. When I went to my first mediation I laid out all the documents in front of me and had copies for the case worker. I told the truth and found out about the lies the mother told the case worker. In turn, the case worker saw that I was a devoted father who took the time to be a part of my child’s life and be responsible by voluntarily paying child support. The system was fair to me and when I became temporarily employed and filed for a reduction in support the system in NC approved the reduction. I was fortunate to be treated “fairly” in regards to the reduction. But I will say that is the only thing fair that has happened. Garnishment is not fair. Not getting the tax deduction is not fair. The welfare system not requiring the mother to get a job within 6 months is not fair. Most of all none of this considers the actual welfare of the child. The hateful comments the mother has made to my child about me is clearly reflected in my child’s changed behavior, avoidance and hateful, vengeful comments my 4 yr old makes. There is so much wrong with this system.

Please take a moment and SIGN for Child Support Reform. You do not have to be directly involved in the Child Support System to Sign this Petition. Yet, we are all apart of the System; if someones’ U.S. Constitutional Rights are being violated, you are being violated. How much more Government interference are you able to put up with? Presently, the Children are always the losers; relationships are being ruined, thousands go to jail and thousands commit suicide each year! PLEASE USE THE COMMENT FORM TO SIGN LOCATED AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE; Thank You!

“The more of us we have, the more hope we have and hope is the commodity we need; RIGHT NOW!”

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About The Author

My name is James (Jim) DeLelys. I have been involved in the Child Support System for nearly 16 years. Over those years I have acquainted myself with countless individuals who have had to bear the burden of a terribly broken and corrupt sytem. It is through 'listening' that I have come to the enevitable conclusion that Child Support Laws and Government interference can not be tolerated anymore.


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19 Responses to “Deadbeat Mother”

  1. Totally agree with the article.

  2. I agree. My story is to long but I’m in same situation. Mind u my x lives in another country and not even a visitation order because it’s not in the same jurdistiction. And so she hasn’t worked in 5 years. But yet in ct they help her enforce it but not enforce any type of custody. So I’d have to hire attorney in that country to fight that. System is so freaking ridiculous.

  3. So much more and then some need to be done to help the alienated parent.

  4. Tawnya RaubNo Gravatar says:

    Thee has to be a change!!! I hope one day people will open there eyes to this. Thank you for coming up with this. My husband is going thru this right now. I Love the idea about the Trust Fund it makes so much sense!!!

  5. big mikeNo Gravatar says:


  6. Bambi RiosNo Gravatar says:

    I am the mother of a 16 year old. I get court ordered child support though it is not very much, 100% of it goes into a savings for my son. I agee with you 100%. I was raised to work hard for what you want. I am tired of seeing mothers sit at home and just waiting for the cs check or the welfare check. They live in housing and get everything paid for. My current husband works hard and pays his child support every month. He recently lost his job for about a month and now getting back to work. She text to tell us she going to put him in jail because of lack of payment. This woman never has the child. When we don’t have her, she ships her off to my husbands family. All I have to say is if you aren’t making it. Get a job it takes two to make a baby is should be two people that support it.

  7. e. dimanligNo Gravatar says:

    I agree, system is unfair. Supports the lazy and uses their children for leverage to supplement the deadbeat mom. Money never goes to the child. Hardworking dads pay out to losers who expect the government to take responsibility to care for their child. One childsupport system. Its not really support for the child either only for the deadbeat parent who looks for other means for support instead of working hard.

  8. Ive been waiting for a petition for so long…i tip my hat to you.i cant wait for fathers rights.

  9. Please send me options to help my son going through this…This is horrible.

  10. I agree 100%, my husband is going through this with his baby’s mother and it’s ridiculous!

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  12. JasonNo Gravatar says:

    I just came across your web site and it mirrors what I am currently going through. My ex wife is remarried. They live in a practically brand new 4 bedroom house, with 2 cars and a boat. I live in a small one bedroom apartment, work long hours and long weeks and then see my boys. Her current husband makes more than I do, but yet they get to claim the boys for taxes and harass me when I do…or beat them to it. Then!…I get the letters from the IRS. She has turned our oldest against me. I don’t bother them or harras them. I do what I am supposed to do. But the system allows her to do that. This is a woman who has been married 3 times. She gave up her 1st child because she did not want a daughter. She gave her 2nd child, a son to her first husband and never gave him money to help support..PLUS!..knew and allowed him to smoke marijuana around their son. I work…stay out of trouble, come from a a great family and try to raise our boys the way I was raised…with respect and honor…and this is how she treats me. She refuses to give me her cell phone number and only a home phone or her husbands cell…though he was told by her attorney to stay out of it. I’ve been falsely accused of things with boys…I’ve cried a lot because of the way she, her husband, our oldest and the system treat me. I wish I knew someone who cold really generally care and help.


    I agree 110%….women need to work too, in a divorce. My ex refuses to work and moved her now husband in with her and our kids, prior to the divorce being finalized. The system needs to pull its head out of their butts…see that there are dead beat moms and help those of us fathers who truly care and bust our back sides off for our kids.

  13. Joseph BacksNo Gravatar says:

    If women violate court ordered visitation then there drivers license should get suspended.Just like mine does for missing child support payments.This is my major concern.Whoever came up with the law to suspend a persons DL should be shot!!!
    this creates undue hardships for the fathers!!!It just does not make anything good.It just causes grief for kids!!!!

    We need justice for men now!!!!!!

  14. Trina SmithNo Gravatar says:

    I agree with this petiton.

  15. Doug JollyNo Gravatar says:

    Yes i agree with what you said. It is not far that the man has to work 2 jobs to pay CS while the mother sits at home not working. But when you work 2 jobs and they find out about they take you back to court and want more money. The CS support should be for the kids but it is to keep her life style up. I have heard from my kids that she would buy things for herself and tell my kids she had no money for them.